Sometimes it's ok to be a follower

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I Cry For St. Louis

Dozens and dozens of photos; all ready to post. Beautiful works of art that contain a little piece of my heart. Hours of work, moments of true happiness...
but tonight I feel the need to vary a bit from my original plan and speak from the heart. 

Truth and life; sometimes it can all be so confusing, scary, and just plain difficult. 
Tonight I cry for St. Louis, Missouri. 
My home. 
The place where I grew up. All my loved ones, all my closest friends, all my most precious memories...

Tonight I hang my head.
Moments after the Micheal Brown verdict, the hate began.
Roiting, looting; the city is practically being burnt to the ground.
We have the news on and are listening to a scanner on the computer. 
People are down, trapped, shot, dying, hurting...

It is truly like being trapped in a nightmare. 
How far will these protesters take their rage?
Who does this defend?
How does this help anyone?

Hurting people that had nothing to do with the young man?
Burning your own city? Why?
What did an auto parts store, a pizza place, or a toy store, and so many more have to do with any of this? Why destory your own hometown?
This is our home.

Tonight, we sit in fear.
Maybe 20 minutes outside of the main riots.

Friends and co-works often have asked my husband and I why we stay here.
This is our home, our people... it's just were we belong; it's home.
Yes, it is a violent area. People die and are hurt everyday. The news is always full of bizarre stories, but it's part of life here. It's truly sad to say, but you learn very early on where not to go. It's almost like there is an imaginary line and you don't cross it.
All that said, my husband and I are not delusional enough to believe that we are safe 100% of the time. Crime travels...

So tonight, we sit and wait.
There will be no sleep; no peace.

Will the angry men and women make it to our door?
Truth is, if they want the house; take it.

We have a few bags packed and sitting by the door.
Toys and clothes for my son,
a few art journals and sketchbooks,
my husbands work laptop,
and a few clothes...
our cats are already in carry carriers,
our dogs have collars and leashes on,
our rats have been moved to the living room with a travel carrier placed right by the cage.

We are ready to grab our family and leave.
Nothing else really matters.
It's just stuff... it can all be replaced.

 Every gun in our home is loaded and ready to go, which I really hate. It makes me so uncomfortable. There is a baseball bat right beside my nightstand... and truth is I am not amused by this either. I think it's ok to defend yourself, but the reality of it makes my stomach turn. 

I've never hurt anyone, I just feel I need to prepare simply because I am in line of fire.
Doesn't matter my age, sex, race, religion, opinion...
Those that are angry don't care; they are simply taking a stand, doesn't seem to matter who they hurt.?

Tomorrow, how many will be collateral damage? 
Why won't these people have the same public out cry?
They too are loved, missed, wanted...

Tonight my friends,
pray, please.

I don't care who or what you believe in. I am a Christian, and if you are not I am okay with that; as I hope you are okay with letting me rejoice in my beliefs. We are all here on this earth together. This is all of our homes. We are all different and that is a wonderful thing.
This has become a tragic event for so many people. 
It is so incredibly sad.

What does tomorrow hold?

Hopefully, we can learn from this event and move forward as a society.
Make our home a better place...
one where we don't fear what might come in the night.

We shouldn't have to be scared of what's in the dark.
I had hoped the nights of peeking under my bed for the boogieman had passed... but now; is he just waiting outside of my door? 
Do I have to face him head on to protect my family?

 My heart goes out to the family and friends of all those that have been affected by this event.
I will hold all of you close to my heart.
I will pray for peace and safety for all;
and I will cry for all those hurting.
Tomorrow is a new day, lets make it count.
Lets move forward together.
All life is precious.



  1. Oh my goodness Anna. I had heard about the verdict all over here, and also that the problems had started all over again afterwards, but I didn´t know, it was in your neighbourhood thoug, and that scares me a bit too, as it somehow gets more live, as I kind of know someone in the middle of this, and it terrifies me too, that people can get sooo violent from this. There´s both good gys and bads guys among all races, so how come it´s always sooo problematic, when it´s someone of this race, that´s been caught? Like you I just don´t get, why people can´t look at the crime and see if that was right or wrong before looking at, who´s done it, and behave after that instead of making everything to a racial issue every time? Why can´t people just accept each others differences and then punish those, who does wrong, no matter who they are, and then for the rest just live in peace and harmony together, and accept their neighbours for who they are, and not what race or belive they have??
    I feel really bad, that you have to live in fear with your bags packed, that is soooo not fair to anybody and I really pray, that the problems will be solved very very soon and all these people will see sence right away and calm down and accept, that noone else is to blame for all this, so they have to begin with them self and stop this madness right away.
    I´ll definitely keep praying for you all there, that no more will be hurt and no more bad things happen, and everybody will calm completely down and behave them self.
    Please stay safe hun and keep us updated, how this goes okay? I´ll keep praying, that you´ll get through this without any damages or other issues and stay totally safe and healthy. Take care sweet friend, I´m hurrified, that these thigngs can still happen in this year 2014.

  2. I cried and cried reading your post. So well daid and It's just too sad for words. It is NEVER okay to loot, burn, harm others and disobey the law. I'm so sorry you have to live in fear and crate your poor critters. I will keep you, your family and all of St. Louis in my thoughts and prayers. God bless us all!

  3. So sorry you are so close to it...hope you are all okay! I'm in Kentucky and I was following the story for the most part. From what I had been hearing piece by piece, it sounded like the police officer was truly in the clear. And so last night when we were watching the news at dinner time and I heard there was going to be a decision soon, I had a feeling that they would not indite him, and at the same time I knew there would be worse riots than the first time because of it. Didn't watch any more TV and when I woke up early this morning....I saw that I was correct! So sad!! Do these people actually think they are accomplishing something by acting like animals in that fashion?? Not too mention all the destruction of businesses & lives that have absolutely nothing to do with it!! Hope you are still safe & don't have to leave your home...what a horrible feeling!

  4. I can not believe this is happening in America! It looks like something out of a combat movie set. I feel sorry for all of us that it has come to this. Why can't people get along? Bless the city and everyone in it that peace will come soon!

  5. I am so sorry. I pray that you keep safe.

  6. I seen your sweet logo, on google+ I wanted to be added to your list. Then I read about your city. St Louis, I feel very bad for you & all the wonderful people their like Joyce Meyer, that is her hometown too. A few years back my daughter & I had the pleasure to see her & your beautiful city. I will pray for you & protection for your beautiful city. God Bless & keep you & your family safe.
    P.S. If I could be added to your list, would be greatly appreciate. If you are up to it
    Casual Elegance by Beverly Girolomo

  7. Hun, I am praying for you and your family and although I am late in posting this due to being really ill and having lost my dear father-in-law Pa Bear, I am praying you and your family are safe {{{hugz}}}}.

    "Father God, I plead the Blood of Jesus over Anna, her family, animals and home. I ask that a hedge of protection be placed around each of them and to blind the eyes of the enemies to them, their presences and belongings. Bring Anna and her family strength,health,peace and comfort. In Jesus Precious, Precious Name I ask this, Amen."

    I am from Hutchinson, Kansas and have been in and past St. Louis many a time on my way back to visit my grandparents in Virginia. My hubby's parents were from St. Louis. My heart is just aching for you and your family and the families affected.

    I will continue to pray for you and your family and the families of the ones afflicted.